[Alumna Emma Wilkins shares her experience and angst as a professional 'schmoozer.]

During my time working with a non-profit arts organisation, I struggled to reconcile my aversion to "schmoozing” with the fact it was part of my job.

Rather than seek out opportunities to “smooth-talk” wealthy donors at fundraising events, I would hide behind a tray of drinks, run around taking photos, write out name tags or hand out programs.

I've never minded having a "working relationship" with a colleague or contact, as your roles and intentions are clear, but I've always hated the idea of getting paid to suck up to people in order to manipulate them into donating money.

It took me a long time to realise that schmoozing doesn't have to be like that.

It's not having an agenda that matters - we all have agendas all the time - what matters is what you do with it, and why.

While it's wrong to deliberately deceive people or put on an act, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with wanting something from someone, or asking for it. Inviting a friend to meet you for dinner purely because you know they will foot the bill is pretty despicable, but inviting them because you want to catch up and know they will love the restaurant is altogether different – even if you happen to know they'll probably insist on paying.

Providing you're not acting out of sinful motives, I think Christians can schmooze (to a point) with a clear conscience. If my main reason for initiating a conversation is a desire to make a guest feel welcome, and if I ask them questions about themselves because I have a genuine interest in their answers, maybe it's OK to also invite them to become a supporter - even if my motivation is not
to help them in some way, but to do my job well.

Context plays a part too. In most cases, people who are invited to fundraising dinners and cocktail parties expect strings to be attached - they know full well why they were invited, and even if you think
they are offering financial support because you charmed them, in many cases, they're simply giving because they care about your cause and planned to all along.

This is one reason why you are deceiving yourself if you work in a schmoozey job and think that every single contact counts you as a friend - if I am simply “using” you, chances are you are using me too. As it says in Proverbs, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24).

Even after justifying - to some extent - the act of schmoozing, the word still makes me cringe, and I still prefer to leave it to others wherever possible. When I really can't avoid it, I usually steer clear
of the obvious targets (the “more important” guests) who are usually taken care of anyway, and look for someone standing on their own and looking lost.